Out of Reach
by MopNSmith
Summary: Ginny's POV of Harry's Without My Ginny.


_Knew the signs  
Wasn't right  
I was stupid for a while  
Swept away by you  
And now I feel like a fool  
So confused,  
My heart's bruised  
Was I ever loved by you?  
_

I left Harry Potter. That doesn't mean I wasn't in love with him. I was so head-over-heels in love with him it scared me sometimes, that I had this much love for one person. I knew I felt this way the day he rescued me from the Basilisk. A connection between Wizards is formed when one saves the life of another. That connection was love – my love for him. Not his love for me. Never in my wildest dreams did I think we would spend two years as a couple. Two whole years! I thought I was the luckiest Witch in the world when he asked me to marry him. Of course I said yes. Who wouldn't? He was wonderful, always making sure I was happy and smiling. I thought life couldn't get more perfect. How could it? I had the love of a man greater than the infamous Dumbledore.

Harry was troubled. I knew that, he had his demons. Doesn't everyone? I certainly did. I made sure I helped him with his. Even when it meant giving up time I spent with my family. I gave everything up for him. Everything I did was for him. Everything. Three months after he asked me to marry him, I realized I had been living a lie. I had built him up to be this great person. I guess some people aren't meant to love. He just didn't love me. He wasn't making sure I was happy and smiling. It was my illusion that he cared. I turned the meaningless things he did into wonderful significant gestures. How wrong I was.

_Out of reach, so far  
I never had your heart  
Out of reach,  
Couldn't see  
We were never  
Meant to be_

I gave him my heart. All of it. All of me. He took my heart and tossed it around. Threw it back and forth. He broke it in the process. Shattered it into pieces so small it could not be put back together. I didn't realize – until I left – that he never gave me his. He had always kept it close to him. Behind his wall he erected the day he lost Sirius. I was so blinded by my love for him. I didn't realize we couldn't be together, ever. I needed to be loved, needed to be comforted. Needed a shoulder to cry on. I wanted someone to tell me everything would be all right. It will take a while, but I'll get over him. It will take weeks, even months, maybe even a year. I know in the long run I will get over him. I have to get myself back remember who I was before. I _was_ someone before him, wasn't I?

_Catch myself  
From despair  
I could drown  
If I stay here  
Keeping busy everyday  
I know I will be OK_

But I was  
So confused,  
My heart's bruised  
Was I ever loved by you?  


I thought he loved me. I saw him at the final battle. I was hurt, saving _his_ life. He never knew. A Death Eater was advancing on his turned back. I saw it and attacked it. I got the Death Eater, but another one got me instead. I woke up in the hospital. Everyone came to visit me, except him. There was some hope in me that thought he would come. I lay in St Mungo's hoping – hoping he would come. He never did. I never asked why he didn't. I couldn't let him see I still cared for him. I was dying with him. I was trying too hard to make everything fine for him. I didn't realize I was dying inside. I am dying without him. I decided then I had to move on. Just like he had. I have to move on. Find someone who I can love and will return my love. It wasn't to be.

I knew it would take a while to get over him. He had my heart and soul for two years. I was in love with him for longer than that. I never realized it would take this long. I have never hurt this much – ever. I have never been in so much pain – ever.

It has been a while since I left him. I still feel like I am dying inside. I see no rhyme or reason in my life without him. I am trying to be strong. Everyone thinks I am strong. When they mention his name I do not flinch. I have set a stony expression on my face that never seems to leave. It works, I don't get sympathy anymore. It helps. I don't need it. Don't they understand, though, I don't need to hear about his new girlfriend? I don't need to know how happy he is. How he has finally found someone he can share things with. I was there to share with. Didn't he understand that? I could have been his shoulder to cry on, his rock, his … wife.

_Out of reach, so far  
I never had your heart  
Out of reach,  
Couldn't see  
We were never  
Meant to be_

So much hurt,  
So much pain  
Takes a while  
To regain  
What is lost inside  
And I hope that in time,  
You'll be out of my mind  
And I'll be over you  


I lie.

I tell them I have a new love.

I lie a lot.

I told them all I had someone new. I even told Harry. He didn't blink. I lied to him, I think he knew. Maybe he did know? But no, he never knew me. How could he? He never let me in. I couldn't tell him anything about me, he wouldn't listen. I could lie to him and not feel guilty. I tried to lie to myself, but I couldn't. I even fooled Hermione -- who thinks she knows me so well. She is blinded by love. She has Ron. They have a perfect love. They fight, yes. Deep down, though, they love totally, with their two souls that have now become one since they found each other. I am not jealous of them. I wish them all the happiness. Why should everyone be as sad as I feel?

Should it have taken this long to heal? Two years? Two years! And I am still pining over him. I don't think I can take much more. I haven't even kissed another man since him. I haven't even looked at anyone else. Why does he have such a hold over my heart? Why won't he let me take it back? I don't want to love him anymore. I can't, it hurts too much. Love is too much too take when it's not returned. I just want to be free of him. Free of this feeling. Free.

_  
But now I'm  
So confused,  
My heart's bruised  
Was I ever loved by you?_

Out of reach,  
So far  
I never had your heart  
Out of reach,  
Couldn't see  
We were never  
Meant to be  


It will never be the same with out him. Nothing will be. He was the light of my life, in his own, dark way. I was privileged -- to love at such a young age. Many girls would kill to have been in my position. I would not let them though. They would not be able to bare the pain I have now. I am a strong girl. I have six brothers. I have Fred and George for Merlins' sake. Others who had this pain would not be able to cope. I am trying to be strong. It does not seem to be working. I will get over him. I will persevere. It will be a long, turbulent, uphill battle. I am confident I will mange it. No one will ever know it took me over two years to stop thinking about Harry Potter every second - of every hour - of every day. There will be rejoicing and happiness when I do but until then I will live with the knowledge there _is_ a life for me in someone else's heart. I am sure. I will go on without Harry. I must, for his sake. For mine. I must.

_Out of reach,  
So far  
You never gave your heart  
In my reach, I can see  
There's a life out there  
For me. _

A/N: Thanks once again to Katie for betaing. The song is Out Of Reach by Gabrielle


End file.
